well..

From: Wulan's Story

Their words are only make believe
'cause even perfection bleeds
through crackled imagery
The terrifying feeling
when all good intentions fail
(Amandine, For All Marbles)


History always has its classic part, something considered as a benchmark. It might not be repeated in the same way though but the substance remains the same. We call it as a more humane way. Let’s say that in the so-called primitive era, people used to sacrifice the weak human being like baby or somebody’s daughter to worship invisible power, paying homage to a nowhere ancestors. In a more modern way, we might refer to what happened to Marie Antoinette ..well this might not be a compatible reference but we all remember her as a genuine spoiled brat ever existed. We seldom remember how she lost her life once her mother trapped her in an arranged marriage. It was a huge crisis and people needed someone to blame for what happened. She had become an evil icon, satanic version of human, an over-indulgent-woman who had an endless desire to please herself. The fact that it was her only way to escape from reality, as people around her felt that they owned her body, thought and life as a whole has been considered merely a drama, a sparkle of spice powder to bring some taste to a juicy story. Nobody has ever thought it as a point that mattered most. The day she was sent to guillotine, people clapped their hands. The day she was beheaded off was a symbolic celebration to end a collective misery of people.

So what’s the lesson of this?

I have learned since then that every difficult situation requires someone to blame and to point finger at. Everyone claims that they have been hurt. Too bad, they do not even bother to know that I also get hurt as much as they do. Someone asked me how I feel, if only I could express it verbally, I would tell out loud how I feel like having bruises all over my body, badly battered, feeling that the world has turned against me and shattered.

I know how it feels to be so dependent, indecisive not because I could not make up my mind but I lived under one’s control and property and homeless. I just never thought that my life could be so annoying for others. Well then people are manipulative. In order to feel right, they make others feel guilty. In order to feel good, they make others feel bad. It’s a primitive game yet an everlasting one. People sacrifice someone to make them look as if they were the better ones. I might owe much to people I have met and spent time with along my life, I just know that I will find a way to pay back my debt but not with my life. Another lesson is that we do not have to be bad to be considered bad and we do not have to be cruel to be considered cruel. People, again, happily put those stamps in our faces once we dare to refuse to be part of automaton conformity. Just wanna break free and disappear....